Naples, you beautiful dirty bastard, I miss you already.

As I start the journey of reflecting on this last year of travels the first place I am burning to tell you about is Naples, Italy. I was nervous to go there at first, from stories of “filth and pickpockets” from my Italian mother-in-law. But my handle bar moustache man took my hand and said, “it’s okay, follow me”. He led me to the most beautiful interesting streets I’ve ever seen, and to the best pizzas I’ve ever eaten. I actual cried at the airport because I wasn’t going to have this pizza in my life anymore. 

First things first, getting to Naples is an easy direct train that takes 1 hour and 24 min. The trains in Italy are wonderful except when they randomly go on strike. But never fear, their bus system is also good. Use the trains unless they are on strike. Our base in Italy is Sardinia, so we took a cheap flight on Volotea, but we usually take my favorite, the ferry. It takes a little longer but no hassle, you can walk around, buy food, and great seats. I always feel like I am in a Wes Anderson film when I ride the ferry. 

Secondly when you are booking a place to stay in Naples remember to look for a place that includes air-conditioning. We travel on a budget so we stayed with Comfort Zone Naples and it was clean, close to things, safe, and amazing aircon. Annalisa, the manager, is a character and will help you with whatever you need. If you are a fancy bitch you can stay in Sorrento and come into Naples for the day. But no matter what you must go into Naples.

Thirdly sometimes Taxis may try and take advantage of you so just make sure to carry enough cash for the ride and check how long the trip will take. The airport is 5 km from the city centre so will be 30–40 euros on average. Once you are in the city there is an underground train and many other public transport options. 

To get to Pompay we took a public bus which took longer, but had aircon. The train home did not have aircon. It’s 30 min away from Naples. You need to book a timeslot ahead of time. There are guides at the entrance which are legit, make sure to get as close to the gate as possible before looking for one. They take groups of ten and will save you a lot of money. FYI there is a whore-house on the tour with ancient naughty paintings on the wall. There are penis’s on the walls that were meant to help these ancient romans find them. I know kids have access to the internet these days, but just letting you know so you can avoid awkward conversations. If it is in the summer months, go as early as you can, those stones heat up and you will feel like you are in a lava field all over again (too soon?). Going with a guide from the entrance will help you navigate this place. It is huge (no penis innuendo intended). If you are a little bit of a dumb blonde, like me, remember it was once a big city before it was wiped out, and you walk around most of it. My necessary things I brought for this day, a water bottle, a fan (I don’t care if you think fans are fem, you are going to need one), good shoes (this place is bumpy), sunscreen, and a hat. There is a cute snack bar for a well needed beer and ice cream break. We only saw a sliver of this place, and next time we will only go to the Villas. There is no other place like it, so I’d say it is worth it.

Alright back to pizza, the pizza dough here is magical. The water comes from under Naples from an ancient Grecian/Roman aqueduct and the flour is crushed in the mineral rich volcanic stone. Its fluffy and just thinking about it makes my mouth water. Here is are top three Pizzas you must eat. First we have Pizzeria Salvo. This is where the locals eat, no line, no fuss, just the best pizza you have ever eaten. The owner is the youngest brother of another famous place called 50 Kalo, which is also amazing. At 50 Kalo there is always a waiting list and lots of tourist. But really I think the little brother’s Pizza is better, go Salvo! For the third option 1947 Pizza Fritta has the best fried pizza on the planet. It is across the street where Julia Roberts’ Eat, Prayed, and loved at L’Antica Pizzeria da Michele. But 1947 has no lines, full of locals, and just look at how freaking delicious this looks. 

Shopping, Spaccanapoli is a three mile long road full of all different kinds of goodies and hand made everything. My bag, my shoes, and my heart was left on this street.

Places to visit, The Underground Naples is the best tour I have ever been on. And I have done a-lot in my short life. Does 35 count as short? Am I middle aged now? I am no longer a young adult, so what am I? I don’t want to give away too many secrets of this place but you will never forget this adventure. It is full of beauty, dark tunnels, ancient life, ww2 memories, and running aqua blue water. I love to sing in caves so I tend to stay at the back of the group and wait till I’m alone and break out into some Adele and listen to it as it reflects off the walls.

Views. If you know me, then you know I love castles. There are very few things that bring me more joy than the view of an ancient castle. Maybe giant pumpkins or a new good smut series? Anyway, to top off our weekend in Naples my partner and I took a tram that goes 70 degrees up the side of a cliff to see the most incredible view on the top of a castle. There is a theatre company that performs up here and the castle was decked out with red lights for that evenings performance of Macbeth. If I’d come back I’d bring a renaissance ball gown and book tickets. My favorite little piece of knowledge about this place was the cute doors and windows that are on the roof are where monks still live to this day. Being holy here gives you the best view of the bay and volcano.

In general, keep your wits about you. Don’t take all your cards with you. Treat Naples like you would any other big city, but really we had no problems, to the shock of my Italian mother in law. I will never forget the winding small street of the Spanish quarter in the middle of the night. How close yet peaceful people seemed to live. How soccer players are painted on the walls as saints, and hair salons are no bigger than 2 chairs. I’ll never forget the very confident 11 year olds riding their vespas around, or the secret island we found with a ventriloquist clown to welcome us. If there was ever a place that made you feel like you were on the edge of this realm and a magic realm, it would be here. Enjoy Naples my friends.

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